Carly Fiorina on Same-Sex Marriage

Today at my company, Carly Fiorina came in to speak in an open forum to our employees.

She spoke about her personal experiences, and how she received great opportunities from others to pursue leadership, which led to her career in leading HP, and perhaps later in government and politics too as she is running for U.S. Senator vs. Barbara Boxer.

During the Q&A section, I asked her about people's rights, specifically the same-sex marriage issue which has become a heated debate on state, federal, and international levels. I asked what she would consider to be an appropriate process for deciding such a controversial topic and policy.

She said that our country exists for the people, to be ruled by the people, and since marriage is closely related to religion for many people, she would recommend to put it up to popular vote (general election) to decide marriage laws in each state.

Although I applaud her for giving a clear answer vs. skirting the issue, for the purpose of supporting equal rights, I am somewhat disappointed in her answer. I understand the position of letting the general public vote and deciding things, but sometimes our country (and general population) unwisely decides on directions that take us backwards a step, away from the goal of freedom and equality which this country was chartered for.

Google vs. China

This week Google announced the possibility of leaving China as cyberattacks from China into GMail accounts demonstrated Google's and China's strongly different positions on censorship.

Today's update from China shows that China remains firm on their position of censorship.

This dilemma poses an important question for all other businesses and most countries in this world - Capitalism (commercial growth) vs. Principle (human rights).

China seems to have a clear and firm position on their own beliefs - what works for their country, even though it may not work for others. As China becomes stronger and stronger, heading toward the largest economy in the world and possibly the most powerful business partner worldwide, and the most influential government agency, their policies may force the rest of us to seriously think - to grow financially, will we need to do business with China (and follow their rules), perhaps/likely at the expense of some fundamental principles of the U.S., like freedom of speech and information.

This debate will have some dramatic ramifications affecting all our lives and redefining business, basic principles, and even fundamental definitions of what exists and what doesn't, e.g any laws or facts defined by principles or government-defined documents.

CA Prop 8 Trial

We're in Day 3 of the CA Prop 8 Trials in San Francisco in federal court. Lots of news press around this activity.

These 1-2 weeks will be an interesting series of discussions and debates to test the constitutionality of CA's Prop 8 last year banning same-sex marriage. Not only will a decision impact California, but it will also be influential to the rest of U.S. and the world.

It would be interesting to see how the courts interpret and apply the laws of our state and country, and how much it stands up for due process and helping protect people's rights, vs. popular opinion.

However, there is growing talk about a trend toward taking religious beliefs to courts too, that religious beliefs are being discriminated against when equality laws are passed. That's another related area worth debating too.

Gender Virtualization at the 2009 Out & Equal Summit

This morning I presented my workshop - Gender Virtualization - A Discussion on Values, Principles, and Policies for the Transgender Community - at the 2009 Out & Equal Workplace Summit in Orlando. We had a great discussion among the HR/Diversity professionals of Fortune 500 companies, ERG leaders, and members of the transgender community about improving policies for transgender support.

One main issue about gender transitions at the workplace is always about restroom usage. It was great to see more companies now adopting the policy of usage according to gender identity and expression, vs. segregation by biological gender which is difficult to enforce without discrimination, breach of privacy, or disrespecting the individual.

One statistic reported that only 3% of marriages survive when one spouse goes through a gender transition. It's very rough on the spouse and family. Key to surviving is having a deep common understanding and communication between the spouses, and respecting each other for the person inside, not just the physical partner.

My workshop presentation will be posted at the Summit website shortly.

Obama's brief for DOMA support, and Same-Sex benefits for Federal employees

This week has already been quite controversial with the Obama administration.
First, hundreds of news stories on the net showed criticism for Obama's Justice Department's brief supporting DOMA - the Defense of Marriage Act that defines a marriage to be only between a man and a woman.

Many LGBT advocate groups, as well as local governments and mayors, consider this move to be a big step backwards for equal rights.

Also this week, the Obama administration is also starting to extend benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. This tactic is probably in line with Obama's intent to gradually provide same or similar benefits to same-sex couples, even though there may be marriage parity.

With the fight on marriage equality continuing, getting equal benefits is just a piece of the overall equality pie. Marriage comes with over 1000 legal rights automatically granted to the couple - the right to inherit a partner's savings and estate upon death, the right to make medical decisions for a partner in critical situations, the right to take care and custody of their children when the partner is not available, etc. This is on top of the fiscal $4000-$6000 tax deduction difference of a Married taxpayer vs. Single taxpayer (Married same-sex couples are recognized as Single by the IRS, even for states that legally grant same-sex marriage.) All these basic human rights do not exist for same-sex partners even though they also strive to have a prosperous family, sometimes even if legally married from a state.

It's these basic rights that the public, and our federal government, is still missing out on, as the majority (as determined by votes) is still trying to preserve traditional marriage defined by the image of a man and a woman. It seems that the image is still more important to the public vs. the real persons underneath.

What if we defined laws based on perceived or expected images of people???

New Hampshire Legalizes Same-Sex Marriage

Yesterday the big news was around New Hampshire being the sixth state to legalize same-sex, marriage, after the legislature passed the bill, and Governor John Lynch signed.   However, careful language was inserted to give religious institutions the right to not perform same-sex marriages if they did not want to.   I think that is OK, to give people and organizations the right to act according to their own beliefs.   People can always change their religious faiths if they choose to do so too.

Maine approves Same-sex Marriage!

More news today, as Maine's governor signed a bill approving same-sex marriage.
Maine is now the 5th state to allow same-sex marriage.

Great quote by Governor John Baldacci - "In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions," Baldacci said in a statement read in his office. "I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage."

Even more discussion now in D.C. and in the Obama administration about what to do next as more states are supporting the same-sex marriage movement...

Vermont passes gay-marriage bill

Congratulations Vermont!  Another historical news release!

This morning Vermont becomes the 4th state to legalize same-sex marriage.  However, unlike Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Iowa (last week) where the Supreme Court made the decision, in Vermont, the state legislature (both the Senate and House of Representatives) voted to overturn the governor's veto last night on the marriage bill.

4 down, 46 to go.    When will California get back in the game?  Will the U.S. Federal Government hold out forever or be #51, or be earlier to lead the rest of this country toward equal rights?

Iowa high court legalizes gay marriage in state

The news this morning announced Iowa as the 3rd state, after Massachusetts and Connecticut, legalizing same-sex marriage by its Supreme Court.

California is still struggling as its Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage last year, but briefly overturned by voter election in November.

Iowa's ruling is important as it's the first state in (conservative) middle-America to make such a public statement.

Even though this is good progress, and we hope there will be more states following later, there is still an uphill battle continuing with remaining states and our U.S. Federal Government (see DOMA 3).   But it seems that strategies like specific lawsuits against the U.S. Govt on discrimination on specific issues are becoming more effective in making change, vs. rallying for general, broad equality across all issues.

GLAD CHALLENGES DOMA § 3

Yesterday GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders) filed this lawsuit against the Federal Government for discrimination against same-sex married couples.

I think this is great that legal disparaties are brought out into the open even more, and action is started in the areas where the problem was created - in the Federal Courts.

It seems shameful, that our country's leaders have stated that "All men are created equal" in so many instances, like our Declaration of Independence, Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, Martin Luther King Jr's I Have a Dream speech, and several others, yet our Federal Government still (but maybe not much longer) upholds laws which identifies certain categories of people to be second class.

Some states, and more states over time, have revised laws to eliminate discrimination against people due to any type of identifiable characteristic.   That seems to be the better way for this world to embrace diversity, as we are now all living in a global culture, mixing together with people from other countries, other cultures, other religions and beliefs, and all shapes, sizes, ages, colors, lifestyles, appearances, family situations, etc.

Luckily, our history has shown our people to revise laws to improve our treatment toward each other - eliminating discrimination against race and sex, granting women the right to vote, granting interracial couples the right to marry, and others.   There are still a few more things to fix going forward, but we seem to be heading there.

My First Marathon!

After 4 months of training with Team In Training, today I ran and completed the Napa Valley Marathon!  I did it!

I think many people who get over their mid-age crisis tend to get into endurance sports like marathon running.  It was a great experience for me too - be able to stay fit, meet a lot of other great people, and do something valuable for others in need.

Running a marathon is an awesome experience.  A lot of the fun, especially with Team In Training, is all the weeks of training that happens before the actual event.  Weekly training activities with a group of other similar people running their first marathon.  We're all in it together.

For weeks past Napa marathoners were telling us that the course is beautiful, and that last year race conditions were ideal - beautiful weather, and a fast tail-wind on a rolling but overall downhill course.   As we approached the last few days before the marathon (March 1st), the weather forecast indicated rain on race day.

So we ran the race in the rain - all 26.2 miles of it...   Race conditions could have been better.  But the Team reminded us that just as in life - there are some things we can't control, and some things we can.  We can't control the weather, so just deal with it, and prepare for wet conditions.  But we can use all the skills we learned from training to prepare our body and minds.

Since I started training for this in November I've done my fair share of running races.  3 half marathons, and many more 5K and 10K races on the weekends.  I'm happy that all the training has improved me greatly in all those races.  But today's marathon (in the wet weather) totally undermined me.  Even though I'm extremly proud to have finished and am very glad to have gone through this experience and would recommend anyone else to do so too, this was the most grueling, painful, and character-testing experience I have ever been through.

Running in the rain, I felt every mile step by step, watching each mile marker pass by, slowly.  I started off with a fairly fast pace, and did the first 10-13 miles pretty well.  But my legs died after that, and the entire second half was the most painful race I have ever run.  Part of this is that I always choose to run for a fast time and strong performance, vs. taking it easy to enjoy the run.  So I can only blame myself.   Watching the mile markers go by from 14 to 26 was painful.  From mile 20 my legs were cramping regularly, and I cried almost the entire final 5-6 miles, smiling only when passing the race photographers on the road.

The other reminder Team In Training told us was to run the first half with our legs, but run the second half with our heart.   When I ran with my heart I cried.  I wondered why I put myself up to this.  Why did I have to feel all this pain.   I just wish I could finish this race quickly so I could go take a hot shower and go home and be with my family.  But I also cried thinking about why I signed up to do this - to raise funds for cancer research so that we could help others who are in greater need, and who are likely feeling more pain than I am every single day.  I also cried for all the supporters and donors who helped me go through this program with all their contributions, to help with the cancer research, while I provide the vehicle to make it happen.   I could not let them down.

I will write down my marathon story at my Team In Training fundraising website shortly.  One lesson I learned from this experience, is that there are still a lot of good people out there, usually very different from the ones we assume.  So if there is one next step I'd like to do, it's to continue this training with more marathons in the future, not just as a participant, but as a mentor too, and to encourage other people to join a similar program, to help not just themselves, but to help others too.

Prop 8 in California - What Next?

Election Day is a few days past us now, and most are glad to have Obama as our President-Elect.

In California and nationwide, many are still sad that Prop 8 passed in California, as well as similar anti-gay marriage laws in Arizona and Florida, to pass constitutional bans for anti-gay marriages. Soon after the election, an article on time.com explains that the surge in voting for these bans likely came from a large turnout of African-American voters who showed up to vote for Obama, but also greatly voted against same-sex marriages. It seems ironical that one population that has triumphed overcoming racial discrimination with our nation's first African-American president, still does not yet feel similar equality with another group of people facing similar discrimination challenges.

My friend Jennifer Donnelly this week wrote a nice article for WashingtonPost.com - reminding us of all the great things about marriage - whether gay or straight.

Surely there will be continued debates and lawsuits about same-sex marriage in California and in other states. Facebook groups have already started gathering supporters to continue the challenge.

The dangerous and sad thing about banning same-sex marriage is that our legal system has given power to the majority to legalize discrimination. Eventually, this will go away when future generations become the majority and laws are redecided. Throughout history, we've gone through many cycles where new ways of thinking were declared heresy and against common law, and people being different were often persecuted, ostracized, and oppressed. Whether it was believing the earth not being the center of the universe, believing the sun not being the center of the universe, believing the earth to be round, treating people of color equally, treating people of different genders equally, treating people of different sexual orientation equally, etc. - people believing in these new ideas always suffered to pave the way for future generations.

What if the world applied the thinking of banning anti-gay marriages to other similar situations? Here's what might happen (written with a large dose of sarcasm and cynicism):

- Because (only) a man and woman are intended to marry to create a family, maybe we'll have laws or taxes on couples if they do not intend to have children. After all, a marriage is intended to create a family and children, right? That would be crime not to have children, if one person didn't want children and the other did. It would take one eligible person away from the potential parent pool - what a shame.

- Maybe we'll have laws or taxes on parents who cannot have children for medical reasons? If you can't have children, too bad. Survival of the fittest. Why enable people to have children via technology if they can't create children in the first place. Should a natural (meaning naturally capable?) man and woman who are unable to create a family be granted the right to be or stay married? (by wording of Prop 8 - those who not natural marriage candidates should have their marriage rights removed)

- Maybe adoption should no longer be allowed - against the law. If you can't have children yourself, too bad. Adopting children is not natural.

Maybe there will be new laws extending to other groups of people...

- Maybe someone will propose a law or constitutional amendment to say that the U.S. President cannot be a woman - because men have always been president, and that model has always worked in our history and we're used to it. So it doesn't make sense to have a woman as president because of her gender. The world would not be used to it.

- Maybe someone will propose a law or constitutional amendment to say that women should not be CEO's of companies or have the right to work as (name any position) in a company - because historically that was the standard for a LONG time, and let's go back to that standard.

- Maybe someone will propose a law or constitutional amendment to say that people of a certain race or color should be treated differently, because they are different - because the world was that way for a long time, and let's go back to that standard.

In a global world of diversity now, it's sad to see so many are still living in homogeneous communities and still unaware of diverse people, and hence still scared of people different than themselves, or the stereotypical accepted images and profiles that they're trying to live up to themselves but sometimes are not.

Still, progress is being made and the right model will come through eventually.
In 2000 California voters voted 61% to ban gay marriages.
This year in 2008 it was only 52% that voted the same way. This shows that many heterosexuals are now supporting the gay equality movement.
Maybe the next time we vote for the same issue, more will be thinking with an open mind.
Good luck to everyone for a more equal and understanding world.

Connecticut Allows Gay Marriage

Another history news day today, as the Connecticut Supreme Court ruled that gay couples have the right to get married. Connecticut is now the 3rd state to allow same-sex marriages, after Massachusetts and California.

The AP news article quotes Gov. M. Jodi Rel as saying, "I do not believe their voice reflects the majority of the people of Connecticut," which is probably very true...

When Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation to free slaves, "Public opinion as a whole was against it." This always seems to be a common theme in our world history every time a new law or discovery comes around to improve human rights (support for gay rights), to reduce or end discrimination (anti-discrimination on race, color, etc.), or to set facts straight (stating the Earth NOT being in the center of the solar system or the universe). It seems that there's always a large group of people wanting to hang on to the traditional view at the expense of others, or their own fates, but eventually it gives way to a new truth down the line.

Another Restroom for Transgender People

A couple days ago, another news article appeared describing how the University of Manchester in England has renamed their restrooms from "Men" and "Women" to a more practical label - "toilets with urinals" and "toilets."

Although not quite elegant, this is another effort to address appropriate usage of restrooms for men, women, or transgendered people. Let the user decide.

Earlier this year another article appeared describing a Thailand secondary school designating a bathroom specifically for transgender people, labeling it the "transvestite toilet." This label in Thailand actually does not have a strong stigma as it does in the U.S., as transgender people in Thailand are quite common.

The bathroom issue still remains to be a large mental issue for most people - both traditional men and women and for transgender people. For transgender individuals going through a formal transition plan in a company with anti-discrimination policies on gender identity and/or gender expression, typically the bathroom usage policy guides the transitioning individual to use the appropriate restroom matching his/her new gender identity post-transition, to help the transition be successful and to help the individual be accepted in the newly assumed identity.

More examples of facilities usage by transgender people in company transition plans is well explained by Dr. Jillian T. Weiss, an expert on Transgender issues who addresses the topic in her blog, website, and book, Transgender Workplace Diversity: Policy Tools, Training Issues and Communication Strategies for HR and Legal Professionals.

Transgender Discrimination Victory over Library of Congress

Another post here, only a little belated this time.

A few days ago, a sex discrimination lawsuit in D.C. ruled in favor of the transgender individual, Diane Schroer, a retired a U.S. Army General as David, and recently was offered a job at the Library of Congress. When notifying the employer of her intent to transition, the new job was rescinded, for no practical reason other than gender discrimination.

This is an important victory against discrimination, not just on gender. It turns out that our U.S. Federal Government is still discriminatory to the LGBT community, unlike state governments which are gradually introducing more anti-discrimination laws, and corporations who are leading the country and worldwide working environments with anti-discriminatory policies and increasing instances of benefits support for the LGBT community.

Many, if not all, policies regarding the U.S. Federal Government, do not state or enforce any anti-discrimination policies for LGBT people. When LGBT people receive benefits from forward thinking corporate benefits plans, they are still taxed on the financial support as income. This is very different than benefits granted to traditional spouses. And this happens IF benefits are granted in the first place and not withheld due to exclusions to domestic partners or transgendered individuals, which still happens quite frequently.

I will be following this trend further as well.

2008 Out and Equal Workplace Summit

Still new to blogging here, so I haven't gotten into the habit of blogging immediately yet....

A couple weeks ago I attended the 2008 Out and Equal Workplace Summit in Austin, TX, and taught my workshop on Gender Virtualization to the conference audience of the LGBT community and Fortune 500 HR and Diversity professionals. The corporate professionals attend to study the latest LGBT issues and try to improve corporate policies and benefits to make a safer and more productive working environment for all of us.

Transgender was a popular topic at the Summit this year. My Gender Virtualization topic also seemed to resonate with the Transgender community quite well, as there does seem to be a very large population of MtF transgender people who are unable or not ready to undergo a complete transition to the opposite gender. Those remaining "in the middle" may still consider themselves transgender and may need some guidance and support to better understand themselves and to stay productive in their personal and professional lives.

I also found that once these individual discover themselves, as with most other LGBT members, a large burden is removed, the person is much happier, and we get a much more pleasant and productive person to be with in our personal and professional circles.

Gender Virtualization

Yesterday I gave a presentation to the GLBT community at Intel of my current topic - Gender Virtualization - New perspectives and Frameworks on Crossdressing and Gender Identity - a new, upcoming, work-in-progress book. The basic hypothesis is that a transgender male can successfully live in a female identity in work and social environments without the need for surgical reassignment. Not intended to be the same as a Transsexual scenario, but the experience may be very similar. I am developing this topic further and plan to have this book published later this year.

2008 Google Annual Stockholders Meeting

Living here in Silicon Valley, I had the fortunate opportunity to attend Google's annual stockholders meeting today.
Lunch for the stockholders in Charlie's Cafe was fantastic as you would guess.
Nice review of Google's strong position and directions by CEO Eric Schmidt.
Lots of questions and discussion from the audience on Google's efforts to deliver tools in China to balance preserving freedom of information, and at the same time meeting the government's requirements on restricted information when necessary.
I also asked a question about their priorities between revenue growth in China and maintaining Google's principles of information freedom, a strong paradox in that country.
Visit the website to hear the podcast of Eric, Sergey, and Larry discuss Google's position on these issues.
I have to say Google is very smart in doing the right thing, and it clearly shows in the great products and services.

Restaurant / Club - AsiaSF

News today about one of my favorite restaurant / clubs in San Francisco, AsiaSF, is opening a second location in Hollywood this fall. This club features gender illusionists who not only serve customers, but also perform on the catwalk and get up close to the clientele to discuss and de-mystify some of the common misperceptions about transgendered people.

This club not only has great atmosphere and extremely gorgeous and talented staff, but surprisingly sophisticated cuisine and drinks too. A very comfortable and cheerful atmosphere, this club is a great place to go to be entertained by the ultimate in beauty, and especially if you have an open mind willing to be expanded even further.

If anyone is in the SF area and would like some company to check out AsiaSF, let me know and I'll be glad to take you.

Here's a good recent news article:

http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/3577/context/archive

Transgender Rights Run Into Bathroom Politics
Run Date: 04/28/08
By Shanelle MatthewsWeNews correspondent
A county ordinance in Maryland that protects transgender rights is facing a public referendum challenge in November. One transgender advocate says it looks like a test case for national opposition to the antidiscrimination push.

This article brings transgender cases more into the open, and discusses what may be considered appropriate public restroom use.
I think the concern for safety is valid. But if people are using restrooms appropriately, does it matter what body parts are under the clothes, or inside the stalls? How does one really know, or should people really know?